The Last Word On Nothing

I recently read a story that truly resonated with me. I Don’t Know How to Waste Time on the Internet Anymore, by Dan Nosowitz at New York Magazine was both depressing and eerily accurate, as I too had typed in “nytimes.com” earlier that day looking for something to read or do online. Over the past few weeks, as the news has gotten more and more dire, I have taken notice of the little things I do online to sooth myself. I’ve written here before about watching dance videos. And I recently noticed another, probably weird thing that I do when I need to sooth my anxious soul online: go to Tumblr.com and type in the search bar: “romcom.” Behold, an unlimited supply of cheesy GIFs from movies that I have not seen.

Why does scrolling through these GIFs calm me down? I truly have no idea. I haven’t seen most of these movies. I barely recognize most of these actors. And yet, seeing a wall of dumb, melodramatic, looping animations is like a weird, warm blanket.

This got me thinking, I can’t be alone here. Not in the specifics of the Tumblr romcom search, but in the fact that I even have this habit to begin with. Surely other people have their own forms of romcom GIF therapy? So I asked, and boy did people deliver. Here is a list of what people on Twitter say they do to calm themselves.

• Look at pictures of sandwiches. 
• “Compare stills from original Miami Vice via http://miamivicelocations.org  to present day google earth and real estate sites to see how the city has changed.”
• “Hitting “random word” on Wordnik and looking for Liberty of London sneaker collaborations on resale sites”
• “Cyst popping videos”
• “Reading restaurant menus, and sometimes Wikipedia entries for dishes”
• “Looking at pets for adoption”
• “Watching videos of random industrial processes. Like riveting robots, or the machine that can separate egg yolks in bulk”
• “Reading bike gear blogs that i barely understand. Some hot new forks out there!”
• “Zooborns and Maru videos”
• “Nina Hagen performance videos from the 1970s“
• “Wikipedia deep dives about languages and language families, followed by watching Youtube videos of them. Recent find: Elfdalian“
• “DIY Irrigation YouTube”
• “Tiny Desk concerts at NPR“
• “R/progresspics“
• “Wikipedia unusual death lists. Like, going back hundreds of years”
• “Watching this guy make clocks / tools to make clocks / tools to make tools to make clocks”
• “TVTropes wormhole”
• “Watching woodworking channels on YouTube, but specifically the videos where they build, re-organize, or clean up their workshops”
• “Look at phoyos of Tracee Ellis Ross outfits and watch old soul/ gospel award show performances on YT”
• “Binge rereading older webcomics”
• “Reading BC Supreme Court decisions. Turns out people get into all sorts of weird messes”
• “Paint mixing videos on Instagram“
• “Youtube videos of cows using mechanical scratchers“
• “I go to a Facebook group for people who collect pencils, and look at all the new pencils people have gotten, and then browse pencil shops online and buy pencils”
• “Historical cooking videos“
• “Looking at houses on Zillow in cities that I would vaguely consider moving to. Bangor Maine is a current favorite, so many lakefront homes!”
• “Reading conspiracy theory forums and prepper sites”
• “I follow so many historical jewelry Instagram accounts that I set up a second account just for that purpose. Looking at jewelry styles across the ages soothes me.”
• “Go on Instagram and look at overly produced photos of people’s tricked out vegetable gardens. Occasionally, I get packets of seeds in the mail because my past self, in the middle of writing/fauxductivity, decided we need them. Apparently, I’m growing wheat….and popcorn”
• “Either Wayback Machining sites I used to spend a lot of time on or Wayback Machining sites I’ve never visited in my life”
• “Instagram videos of cake decorating”
• “Looking up YouTube videos of animals I myself keep in my own home”
• “ASMR soap cutting videos“
• “Van building time lapse videos”
• “Time lapse videos of new construction and/or home remodels. sometimes studying (and mentally remodeling) residential house and apartment plans”
• “High fire functional pottery Instagram”
• “Watching how-to YouTube videos of creative things (painting, woodworking, fabric arts) that I convince myself I’ll learn how to do and then never follow up on”
• “Open the Disneyland app to look at wait times or search pinterest for planner stickers”
• “Video game speed runs!!”
• “I like to look at level maps from old video games“
• “I watch car crashes on Youtube”
• “I search Twitter for tweets that mention Munster or Muenster cheese and retweet them”
• “I go to YouTube and watch fan made videos of my fave teen dramas. The OC, Dawson’s Creek, The Vampire Diaries…”
• “I Google Image Search for stills of Anne Hathaway”
• “Looking on rightmove hunting for relaxing looking bedrooms”
• “I just listen to Nadine Gordimer reading “The Centaur”“
• “Google maps and street view of the towns where I grew up”
• “Minimalist office supplies on etsy”
• “I look up death row inmates last meals”
• “Watch Sumo wrestling”
• “Vintage film camera reviews”

So there you have it. If you can’t find something on that list that might sooth you in a time of need, I don’t know if I can help you. Go forth and be comforted.

Image: Mixing Paint by Shawna L. Handke