FAQ

By: | May 9, 2022

1. Why should I choose an Exo™?

Think about the costs imposed by your fragile organic body. Just one single aspect of its care and upkeep – sleep – steals 8 in every 24 hours of your precious life. And that’s just time – what about the money you have to spend on a bed, pillows, sheets? You even need special clothes! Life is just an endless drain of time and money: we spend an average of one hour a day chewing food and defecating it out again. That’s extra 7 hours a week you could be doing literally anything else. Let’s not even talk about basic upkeep: shaving, showering, skincare, makeup, hair care. The bathroom where that takes place. The water. The towels!

Now imagine the end of all that. You are free to live your best life in a body that is maintenance-free, disease-free, never hungry, never tired, strong, unbreakable and beautiful.

2. Why is it so expensive?

We’ve all seen the headlines – “You could buy a used 747 for the money you spend on an Exo™“. But what about the money you spend maintaining that organic body? Now multiply that by several decades. Also add routine doctor’s appointments, surprise medical bills, the gym membership, water, heat and a big expensive house. And no one likes to admit it, but like that 747, the organic body loses value as you age.

Now consider that the cost of keeping your Exo™ in perfect condition and updated with the latest bells and whistles is completely included in the price.**

We haven’t even talked about what happens to a mind freed of an organic body. Imagine a brain that doesn’t age, doesn’t wander, doesn’t get distracted by bodily concerns. Our EX/On GPUs and custom EXOMAXX processors, interfaced with our Organic EXOIntelligence® integration lace, will optimise and supercharge your meat brain for maximum performance 24 hours a day. You will have access to limitless stored memories on demand, and precision algorithms will identify the situations for their optimal deployment.

And sure: if you were paying up front, while the price is reasonable, it would still be unaffordable. But there’s a reason our motto is Exo™ is for Everyone. Financing an Exo™ is as easy as financing a new phone: your contract lets you pay a monthly fee you’ll find surprisingly affordable – especially with your new supercharged earning power. Your side hustle just became your second main hustle!  

3. Why can’t I get a second hand Exo™?

There’s no such thing as a second-hand Exo™ for the same reason there are no second hand bodies! Your Exo™is tailored to your nervous system, and yours alone. 

4. I’ve heard the extraction process is painful.

That couldn’t be further from the truth. Just ask our (EXOtremely satisfied) customers. 

There’s a reason our Extraction Centers have a perfect 5-star rating on every review platform. The 5-star customer experience starts before you’re even using your Exo™. Many people like to spend their last night as an organic in one of our opulent suites with friends to celebrate their extraction in style [not included with basic package]. Afterwards, you’ll simply go to sleep as normal, while technicians mist the room with our proprietary anaesthetic. 

In the operating theatre, our highly skilled human surgical team, guided by the EXOBOT you’ve read so much about, will use a proprietary diamond laser knife to remove the skull. EXOBOT then replaces all contacts to the parasympathetic and sympathetic nervous system with Organic EXOIntelligence®  integration lace to wire you into your brand new Exo™. The final step is the brain’s emplacement in your new Exocortex®.

And then you simply… wake up. 

A week of training is usually all it takes for the vast majority of people to become acclimated to their Exo™. It feels exactly like living in an organic body. Wait, sorry – except for the aches and pains! And the fatigue! And the hormonal ups and downs! And the hunger! And the thirst. We could go on, but we think you get the idea.

[*In extremely rare cases the brain cannot adequately adapt its sensory routine to Exo. Contingency plans are enumerated in our Special Claims package.]

5. Are my senses really going to be exactly the same?

Only if you want them to be! The EX/On / EXOMAXX chipset processes all incoming sensory information gathered by your ExosSensors. These can be created as perfect replicas of your own eyes, ears, tongue, and nose. Their interpretation of auditory, olfactory, visual, haptic and taste experience is indistinguishable from your own once your Exo™ is fully booted up. But Exo™ is not limited to humanoid form. Custom sensing options are available, including lateral line sensing, infrared, electroreception and magnetoreception. Custom-built body morphologies are also available for select customers, by special request. 

6. Do I have to stop sleeping? Isn’t that going to be weird?

Our custom chipsets have been designed to take in sensory information and preprocess it in a way that is commensurate with what we now understand to be the role of sleep for the brain. All day long these cleaner processing units will be combing your brain for unnecessary memories and consolidating necessary ones for you. Why would you WANT to sleep?

7. What about people who say the experience of not perceiving warmth and cold is isolating?

A temperature perception modification is available for a fee, but most people find that they get used to the new sensation rather quickly, and grow to like it.

8. What about the reports that some people find it uncomfortable to lose the perception of breathing?

Breathing modifications are also available for a fee, but again, we find that most customers quickly get used to their new normal, and find it superfluous. It’s just a habit.

9. What if I fall behind on my payments?

We offer a wide range of humane options enumerated in our Special Claims package.  

Your Exo™ can be powered down while preserving basic life support functions. This will preserve the suit so that it does not become damaged. We keep the Exo™ in one of our Long Term Storage warehouses for re-awakening when payment is rendered. Your brain will not be connected to any sensory information, but you will be hooked up to a low resolution text interface. You can be in touch with relatives for example to get some funds for payment.

If this is not an option you would refer to pursue we have a work programme where you can pay down your debt. We have very high ratings. Exos who choose this option have really enjoyed it. There are five categories ranging from comfort to military support (<<this is probably too much).

10. What if I want to die?

As your Exo™ is not organic, ‘dying’ and ‘death’ are not preferred terms. We use ‘deprecation’. An Exo™ is an enormous capital outlay, which means we discourage deprecation where we can. In the rare cases when it is necessary, the process is carefully managed. 

Consulates are available in 50 countries to initiate the process of ending your contract and beginning the process. Finance options are available, including joining one of the Contract Fulfilment Centers where many of our customers amass the funds necessary for the deprecation. We’ll be sorry to see you go!

Murmuration: The poetry of the morning walk

By: | May 6, 2022

This post first ran on January 15, 2013, but since then, the New York Times ran a gorgeous photo spread of murmurations that you should definitely check out.

This morning I awoke to the kind of day that offers an easy excuse to skip the walk. The temperature gauge read -3F (-19C) when I crawled out of bed, and by the time I’d finished the tea and hot porridge my husband had prepared, it was still only -1F. But the dogs were eager, the sun was shining, and my day never feels quite right without our morning ritual.

And so we pulled on our snow boots, bundled up and headed out the door. The snow was squeaky cold, and the air had a briskness that put a hustle in our strides. Halfway up the hill to the lookout, a loud ruckus. Dave turned to me. “Stop. Shhhh…” We looked at each other. “Hear that?” A lush symphony of bird song. Starlings, from the sound of it. But where?

We looked skyward. Nothing. Upslope, only a crow in a nearby piñon pine. Then I spotted them in our neighbor’s willow trees down below. Starlings, yes. Hundreds of them. The moment I pointed to them, as if on cue, they rushed skyward in unison. The birds formed a rising crescendo, then swooped down, and then up and across the sky, like a ribbon, wrapping around itself.

If nature has ever produced a more perfect thing than the mesmerizing beauty of this starling swarm, I have yet to encounter it. No other phenomenon has ever stopped me in my tracks quite like this, made me forget everything else in the world except the brief moment of grace unfolding before me.

A flight of starlings in concert is called a murmuration. Murmuration–even the name is poetic.

Scientists aren’t entirely sure why murmurations happen. But they have some theories. Hawks and falcons prey on starlings (and also my chickens this time of year), and one theory holds that murmurations provide a way for starlings to monitor predators. The chaotic, but graceful motion of a murmuration might also help to confuse and deter predators. As a paper published last year explains,

Work in the 1970s showed that starlings in larger groups responded to the presence of a model hawk faster, and recent work has shown that the formation of ‘waves’ in murmurations is linked to reduced predation success by peregrine falcons. Waves propagate away from an attack, and so fluctuations in the local structure are likely also to be efficient in confusing potential predators.

But even more fascinating to me than why they murmurate is how they pull it off. Here, the European Commission-funded project STARFLAG has some answers. Researchers at STARFLAG have studied starlings around Rome and found that birds in the flock don’t worry about all of the hundred or more birds in the flock. Instead, they focus on six or seven of their neighbors and synchronize with them.

Such synchronicity is a sight to behold. If poetry has a physical presence, this is it. Birds, moving this way and then—suddenly—that. Up, and then down and just as you think you have their flight path figured out, they veer here and then there, always with grace and with fluidity.

This morning’s murmuration was unexpected, and then, just like that, it was over. The starlings landed on some juniper trees on the hillside below us and we continued our trek to the lookout. All the while we kept watch on those trees, but the starlings remained motionless, at least for the moment. The second swarm didn’t materialize during our walk, but the joy of the murmuration stayed with me throughout the day. As tethered as I was to the virtual world later in the day, I could not escape the connection to the physical environment that I’d formed in those brief minutes of bliss.

*Image courtesy of Andrea Cavagna at the STARFLAG Project.

Where Stories Lie Down

By: | May 4, 2022

In North America, the oldest images put onto rock date back to almost 13,000 BC, deep in the Ice Age. Those types are rare. Most of what you see — phantom-body figures, snakes, lightning bolts, shields, hunting scenes — come from the last handful of millennia, animistic hunter-gatherers and corn-bearing agrarians, the rise of Native America.

Last month I had a new book come out, “Tracing Time: Seasons of Rock Art on the Colorado Plateau” (Torrey House Press 2022). It was my ‘pandemic book’, the thing I wrote during lockdowns when I spent more time with ghosts and serpent gods than I did with living people. After decades of establishing connections in Indigenous and scientific circles, I decided it was time to write about images that, once you start looking, you find all around you, every inhabitable continent scribed and painted with this kind of ancestry.

I live on the Colorado Plateau, a swollen, high-desert landmass pushing up on the Four Corners. Cliffs and boulders are well decorated with rock imagery, what is sometimes called rock writing. If you spend time here, you can’t help seeing it, taken to a panel on a rancher’s land, or pulling off the side of the highway with binoculars, looking up a cliff at a dizzying array of dancers. Who are these people, what were they saying, and what are they saying now? These were the subjects I wrote about in the book.

Rock art can be rubbing, scratching, pecking, painting. A pictograph is painted. In green, red, yellow, and white, you’ll see strokes of big yucca brushes being used a thousand years ago, or sometime a two-hair brush depicting the feathers of a tiny bird. A petroglyph is chipped into the rock, often with a hammerstone and a bone chisel. Sharpened deer leg bones work best. This reveals brighter material underneath, a painstaking process, shoulder against the wall, blowing out dust, pinky fingernail scratching out lodged sand grains. In their day, when they were fresh, these petroglyphs would have popped like neon, as bright and dynamic as any paint.

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Red, Right, Reterning

By: | May 2, 2022

One morning a week or so ago I was at a park on the north shore of Lake Washington. The park has a long pier, and I was standing on the pier’s end when I heard a harsh shwarrk off in the distance. I perked up, strained my ears. There it was again: Shwarrk! Shwarrk! Maybe a quarter mile away or so I eventually saw the source of the sound gliding over the lake: a white body, long slender wings, a coal black head, a rich red bill: a Caspian tern.

The tern flew towards the pier, its wings so liquid in their movement that they seemed not to have bones. When it was a few dozen yards away, it spied something in the water and flared its tail, turning in a tight circle. Abruptly it folded its wings and dropped into the water with a surprisingly large splash. It emerged moments later clasping a small fish in its bill. As it labored back into the air, a gull saw it with its prize and swooped down on it. The tern dodged out of the way and flapped off, gulping down the fish before calling out: Shwarrk! Shwarrk!

I love Caspian terns. Before it was impermissible to write such things in the formal literature, biologists used to call them “the king of all terns.” The largest of their genus, they can be up to two feet long, with a wingspan of nearly five feet. They might live for twenty years, and are found throughout much of the world. Their return to the Pacific Northwest is one of my favorite signs of spring. I pay attention to migration differently now. When I was a callow youth, spring was the season to scour large passing flocks for the rare or astray. These days, undeniably middle-aged, I appreciate the way birds mark time with their collective rhythms. But the terns have other resonances, too.

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Guest Post: Permanent Impermanence

By: | April 29, 2022
A peaceful beach below a blue sky and a frilly band of white cloud

Like many poets, indeed many artists of all media, I am strongly drawn to nature, both as a source of imagery and a provoker of emotion. In our time of degraded nature, poisoned and choked bodies of water, and climate change, however, nature suddenly appears to be exceedingly fragile and endangered.

This state is what my poem “Assateague” addresses. The sand itself constantly shifts, reminding us that barrier islands are constantly changing shape and size, are extremely vulnerable to the sea level rises that come with warming oceans. The speaker is uncertainly rooted, aware of far off storms intensified by climate changes, and only maintains a tentative stance.
Assateague 

The waves curl in and lave the shore, 
drop their cargo of shells and polished glass, 
then withdraw, clawing back the sand. 
Sanderlings scatter, poke and pick, flee 
incoming waves, chase them back out, 
reverse, repeat. 
I stand on spongy sand, solid enough 
if a bit shaky, sea foam washing my feet. 
Somewhere to the south on this overheating 
planet, the ocean is boiling up, surging 
under the lash of fierce cyclonic winds. 
But for now I’m safe on the margin, 
feet drawn into the restless sand.
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Why Grandmothers Even Exist

By: | April 27, 2022

It’s been over half century since researchers dreamt up the idea that grandmothers exist chiefly to enable their children to have their own children, thereby increasing the genetic fitness of the family lineage.  In the 1980s, Kristen Hawks, an anthropologist at the University of Utah, bolstered this so-called “grandmother hypothesis” with her studies of the Hadza tribe of Tanzania, hunter gatherers who rely heavily on the foraging of fruit, nuts and tubers.  Hawks found that the thriving of a first-born Hadza child correlated with the extent of its mother’s foraging efforts. But a second born child’s health—and that of its siblings–seemed to depend more on the foraging efforts of its grandmother.  The more grandmothers stepped in to feed and care for the family, scientists postulated, the better able were mothers to birth more children at shorter intervals.  So it seemed woman survived beyond their fertile years in order to maximize the fecundity of their daughters and daughters-in-law and therefore their line’s evolutionary fitness. (Curiously, further research suggested that the grandfather’s contributions to the children’s well-being did not contribute to said fitness.) 

Not surprisingly, not everyone bought this theory.  In fact, some scientists considered it just another Just-So Story built on post-hoc assumptions that, while compelling, lacked sufficient supporting evidence. 

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The Confluence Project

By: | April 25, 2022

It’s been 15 years since my one and only contribution to the Confluence Project, an achievement I savour to this day. The goal of the online repository is ambitious, but seemingly simple: to store photos—and perhaps a little travel story—from the intersection of every integer degree of longitude and latitude in the world. So far, 6,594 of these confluences have been recorded, but there are still almost 10,000 to go, even discounting the oceans they don’t expect people to reach.

Nunavut, Canada’s Inuit territory, holds hundreds of confluences, but only a handful have been visited. On the evening of March 10, 2007, the week of polar sunrise, I happened to pass near the confluence of the 80th degree North latitude and the 86th degree West longitude. I was visiting the Eureka High Arctic Weather Station on Ellesmere Island in Nunavut, the northernmost civilian outpost in the world. Its military counterpart Alert is the northernmost continuously inhabited place, bar none, and that’s on the same island, just a few fjords further north.

My purpose at Eureka was to write a profile of the Polar Environmental Research Lab, which lay one mile North-West of this particular confluence. Polar sunrise is a particularly interesting time for atmospheric scientists, because they can get readings of the ozone layer after a whole winter of minimal interactions with sunlight, hence the timing of my visit. It also meant the temperature was -46 degrees Celsius.

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Rearticulation

By: | April 22, 2022
Skull of a North American river otter (Lontra canadensis)

This post first ran in July 2019.

In 2015, Sarah Grimes picked up this river otter’s carcass on a rugged beach covered in tumbled sea glass. She removed its skin and flesh and soaked its bones first in warm water, then Borax. She kept each section of the skeleton — legs, paws, spine – in a separate mesh bag so the bones wouldn’t get mixed up. Then she cleaned the bones and put the skeleton back together, a process called rearticulation.

Grimes is the Marine Mammal Stranding Coordinator for the Noyo Center for Marine Science in Fort Bragg, California. She is trained and permitted to pick up dead sea mammals and judge how they died. This river otter looked thin, and probably starved to death – its displaced hip joint would have made it difficult to swim. “Poor little nugget,” she said, showing me where the otter’s leg once attached to the rest of the skeleton.

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