A Leg to Stand On

By: | March 11, 2015

scullingFor all those who suffered through my impossibly obscure quiz questions a fortnight ago, my heartfelt thanks. 120 readers sat the quiz to the end, and the average grade of 44% is no disservice to your knowledge level.

There is one question in particular, though, whose most popular response surprises me. A remipede is a pale crustacean with no eyes, and 37 people guessed that correctly. Interestingly, 51 people (42.5% of the respondents) chose “an insect with an odd number of legs”.

May I direct your attention to the Last Word on Nothing banner image above – a display of the types of symmetries in life, from the Field Museum in Chicago. Let’s talk about bilateral symmetry. Continue reading →

These Are a Few of Our Favorite Places

By: | March 10, 2015

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When my husband finished grad school in 2006, we spent a lot of time talking about where we should go next. We knew we wanted to leave the college town in Oregon where we’d lived for the last few years. Should we head to the Cascades, move north along the Willamette River, or go south and west, to the edge of the sea?

We ended up choosing the water. Here we are still, perched above the Santa Barbara Channel, with views of oil rigs, islands, and most of all, the sea.

Many factors went into the decision. There were our families to consider. There was the weather–we flew up through thick Portland clouds and descended to a sunlit California tarmac lined by swaying palm trees. And maybe even that we’d spent several weeks that summer binge-watching the OC had some sway. But research presented a few weeks ago at the Society For Personality And Social Psychology meeting in Long Beach suggests that our personalities might have had something to do with it as well. Continue reading →

Redux: The Beginning of the End of Science

By: | March 9, 2015

Some things never change. And sometimes the things that never change still somehow change for the worse. This post originally ran on January 5, 2011—an anti-science era that now seems almost quaint. Those were the days!

I blame David Letterman. Less than a month before the 2000 U.S. Presidential election, one of the guests on his show was the governor of Texas, George W. Bush. After the usual banter, Letterman got down to business: the death penalty (2:51 in the clip above). “Did they ever determine whether or not it deterred crime?” Letterman said. “Is it a deterrent?”

“I think that’s a hard statistic to prove,” Bush answered. “If I could be convinced it didn’t deter crime, I may change my opinion about the death penalty.”

“But Governor,” Letterman didn’t say, “everybody knows you can’t prove a negative.”

Actually, everybody doesn’t know that. Maybe Letterman did know it, but didn’t think fast enough to say it. Certainly Bush didn’t know it, and he continued not to know it. And the consequences of that ignorance will be taking their oaths of office today, as the 112th United States Congress convenes.

Continue reading →

The Last Word

By: | March 7, 2015

A sheet of iceMarch 2 – 6, 2015

“Maybe I’m wrong, maybe hidden in laboratories and in front of chalkboards around the world there are scores of undiscovered hot, charismatic scientists hiding from the spotlight,” says Erik.  “We need these people. Because God knows the pseudoscience nut jobs will take them if we don’t.”

Abstruse Goose gets snippy with tech assistance.  I, however, have “resolved to save all telephonic unpleasantness for the rat bastards who say they’ll take you off their list but who have an infinity of lists.”

“As the climate changes, so will our vocabulary,” says Michelle.  “Here in Washington State, in the Columbia River Gorge, we already need words for ‘the color of bare mountain slopes in midwinter’ and ‘daffodils that bloom in February.’ East Coasters could probably use more words for ‘public-transport-crippling storms’ and ‘the smooth mound of snow covering a long-buried car.’”

“No hot tubs, the experts advised. No queso fresco. No Advil. No deli meat. Limit the caffeine. These losses, so numerous and unexpected, were harder to bear,” says Cassie. “But then the doctor took away something even more precious: my autonomy.”

“Walked. Strode, one might say. As if I were still in Paris, where I’d been the day before. Across a nice slick patch of ice. Nooot the heeeeaaaad!!!! I thought, as I toppled inexorably backward,” says Helen, who’s Fed Up. To. Here.

Ice is the Worst

By: | March 6, 2015

A sheet of ice

I am on the record as loving snow and cheerfully tolerating cold. So you’d think I would love winter. And I do, mostly. But as of this week, I am very much ready for winter to pack up its bags and leave the D.C. area.

The reason: ice. Ice is the worst.

Ok, it’s good in drinks and I don’t mind skating on it. But it refuses to stay confined to ice rinks where it can be Zambonied into shape. It has a cruel habit of forming on sidewalks and other places where humans need to walk. And it’s out to get me. Continue reading →

Losing Control

By: | March 5, 2015

14281758292_295749f210_kWhen you’re carrying a child, you make certain sacrifices. I knew I’d have to give up Tanqueray and the occasional guilty cigarette. I was even prepared to forgo sushi. But I soon learned that the list was far longer than I imagined. No hot tubs, the experts advised. No queso fresco. No Advil. No deli meat. Limit the caffeine. These losses, so numerous and unexpected, were harder to bear. Still, I knew I could handle them. But then the doctor took away something even more precious: my autonomy.

I have lived my life largely outside the medical system. Sure, I’ve been to the clinic for pap smears and the occasional physical. But I’ve never had any serious illnesses or accidents. I’ve been lucky. On December 23rd, however, when I had my first ultrasound, it seemed like my luck had run out. I expected to see the flutter of a heartbeat, but the grainy screen revealed no movement. Everything was still and black. The technician couldn’t even find the embryo.   Continue reading →

The Language of Change

By: | March 4, 2015

49009713_ff2998eb05_zThe nature writer Robert Macfarlane is so skilled—so precise, so observant—that he can make an unsuspecting reader long for mudflats. This careful selector of words is also a collector of them: Macfarlane has just published a lovely essay (and a book) about his hoard of “place words,” terms gathered over years of travel in Britain and Ireland. He’s learned that zwer is the sound of partridges taking flight; smeuse is the gap in the base of a hedge made by the regular passage of a small animal; pirr is “a light breath of wind, such as will make a cat’s paw on the water.” A kestrel is a bell-hawk—or, more memorably, a wind-fucker.

Most of Macfarlane’s words are old, rescued from obscurity, but he also collects new ones. His young son suggests currentbum for the shiny hump of water that rises over a boulder in a stream; a little girl describes soft grass seeds as honeyfur. “We have forgotten 10,000 words for our landscapes, but we will make 10,000 more,” he writes.

How true, I thought. As the climate changes, so will our vocabulary.

Continue reading →

Abstruse Goose: Technical Assistance

By: | March 3, 2015

technical_assistanceI’ve just been through several bouts of technical assistance and I have to say that 1) the ESL problem still exists but is much better than it used to be; and 2) a new sentence in their checklist is “Why yes, we can fix that;” 3) the last one thanked me for being such a pleasant customer which 3a) didn’t sound like a sentence on the checklist and 3b) made me wonder just how non-pleasant their customers usually are; and 4) given that tech assistance is so unremittantly polite, I’ve resolved to save all telephonic unpleasantness for the rat bastards who say they’ll take you off their list but who have an infinity of lists.

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This Abstruse Goose is http://abstrusegoose.com/136.  But I have worrying news:  AG hasn’t added any cartoons in a number of months.  Come back, Abstruse Goose, we love you.