The Last Word On Nothing

Who doesn’t love nominative determinism? The idea that your name plays a significant role in shaping your career or even your destiny is irresistible, especially with a steady supply of examples so copious you could trip over them, and even some science to support the idea. But it got me wondering – what if your name isn’t exactly inspirational? Can you opt out of allowing your life’s purpose to be writ by the accident of your birth?

There are so many examples of nominative determinism that news outlets are contractually obligated to run a roundup every couple of years (The Guardian did one on its occurrence in sports, inspired no doubt by record-holding sprinter Usain Bolt, which also revealed the delightfully-named Marina Stepnova, a hurdler). My alma mater New Scientist – credited with inventing the term but not the phenomenon, which appears to originate with Plato – identified among others the psychiatrist Dr. Couch, the optometrist Hugh Seymour, and Dr. Snowman, who wrote a book about the north pole. Things only got funnier when science got properly involved, trying to establish whether and to what extent we succumb to the siren song of our own names.

My favourite of these investigations, “Nominative determinism in hospital medicine: Can our surnames influence our choice of career, and even specialty?” was written by co-authors C. Limb, R. Limb, C. Limb, and D. Limb. (Affiliations: C. Limb is a doctor at East Surrey Hospital, R. Limb is a med student at the University of Nottingham, C. Limb is a general practitioner in Wakefield, and D. Limb is a consultant orthopaedic surgeon.) Their conclusion: “The frequency of names relevant to medicine and to subspecialties was much greater than that expected by chance.” (But then, they would say that.) Things went a bit too far when the Debbie Downers at the BMJ found a link between men called Brady and their chances of developing bradycardia.

But you don’t have to look to famous people or science for examples of nominative determinism. You are sure to find it closer to home. A survey of LWONians revealed casual acquaince with Hugh Butt (gastroenterologist), Tracy Lawyer (lawyer), Ellen Metric (poet), and Frank Fish (who apparently invented a fan blade modeled on whale flippers, though my inner science pedant demands the acknowledgment that a whale is a mammal).

One thing seems clear. With such robust anecdotal and scientific evidence around nominative determinism, things don’t look good for you if your name spells trouble. (I point to Bernie Madoff as the only example that needs citing.)

Did Madoff stand a chance? My idea to look into this was seeded by a writer much cleverer than me, who last year brutally dragged the chairman of the UK’s conservative party, who happens to be named James Cleverly.

James Cleverly: resisting nominative determinism since 1969. https://t.co/l6wto0Sk6R

— Aditya Chakrabortty (@chakrabortty) January 5, 2019

I would never impugn the essence of the man, and neither, I suspect was Chakrabortty: he was criticising Cleverly specifically for his clumsy and unsuccessful attempts at papering over a number of lies by the Tory party. But it got me thinking. Can you refuse the invitation to embody your name?

Far less research has been done on this question. But a few case studies suggest the answer is yes!

Danielle Outlaw, for example, gave the two-finger salute to nominative determinism to become the incoming police commissioner of Philadelphia. Then there’s Cherri Pancake, who if she were a character in a latter-day Dickens novel, would helm a YouTube channel devoted to southern cooking. You know what she wouldn’t be? The president of the Association for Computing Machinery, one of the most powerful engineering bodies in the world.

Also, Meat Loaf is doing Veganuary.

There’s a good reason it’s hard to find people who buck the trend of their names. After all, Snowman just had to write the one book to make it onto the list. For the resisters, the job is harder and demands constant vigilance. Spare a thought for the obstacle course runner Tripp Hurt. One misstep and he’ll never hear the end of it.

Image credits:

Name Tag Wall. By Travis Wise from Bay Area, California, United States – Nametag Wall, CC BY 2.0