Ask Mr. Cosmology
By Richard Panek | March 26, 2012 | 8 Comments
Time again to reach into the “Ask Mr. Cosmology” mailbag and see what readers want to know about…The Wonders of the Universe!
Q: Can neutrinos travel faster than light?
Mr. Cosmology: Depends what you mean by “light.” Light, as in light rail? Yes. Light, as in electromagnetic radiation? Almost certainly not. Light, as in light beer? Definitely not; that stuff will zip right through you.
Q: You’ve met a lot of cosmologists. What are they like?
Mr. Cosmology: They sit around in their underwear all day, they’re drunk by 3 in the afternoon, and their idea of a good time is chasing squirrels off the garage roof with a baseball bat.
Q: Really?
Mr. Cosmology: Oh, wait. Sorry—Mr. Cosmology was thinking of the next-door neighbor when he was growing up.
Q: I’m sensing an alcohol theme to this round of “Ask Mr. Cosmology.” Is booze an important part of the study of the universe?
Mr. Cosmology: Yes! It provides the only known method for testing the fundamental principle behind uncertainty theory—that you can’t simultaneously measure your position and velocity.
Q: You know the saying, “To every thing there is a season”? What is the universe’s season?
Mr. Cosmology: Spring. Because of the wormholes.
Q: I’m a cosmologist with a growing box of correspondence from crackpot theorists. Any suggestions for a label on that box?
Mr. Cosmology: “If I only had a brane.”
Q: I’ve noticed that Mr. Cosmology can be somewhat caustic.
Mr. Cosmology: Only because it’s that time of month.
Q: What!? Mr. Cosmology is a Ms.?!
Mr. Cosmology: Let’s just say that Mr. Cosmology is sometimes confused. For instance, how can a question from the “Ask Mr. Cosmology” mailbag refer to an answer to a question from the same mailbag?
Q: Maybe it’s those faster-than-light neutrinos. Or a wormhole.
Mr. Cosmology: Maybe. But Mr. Cosmology is pretty sure it’s the light beer.
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8 Responses to “Ask Mr. Cosmology”
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March 26th, 2012 @ 12:21 pm
Dear Mr. Cosmology,
Is protest against God morally acceptable?
http://psycnet.apa.org/psycinfo/2012-07230-001/
March 26th, 2012 @ 12:30 pm
Dear Christie,
Your question goes into the mailbag for next time!
Best,
Mr. Cosmology
March 26th, 2012 @ 8:53 pm
Mr. Cosmology,
Do you have a favorite hat that you like to wear (metaphorical and/or literal)?
Sincerely,
Magoonski, a person who doesn’t drink, but it doesn’t matter.
March 26th, 2012 @ 10:00 pm
Dear Magoonski,
Into the mailbag for you, too!
Sincerely,
Mr. Cosmology
March 27th, 2012 @ 5:24 am
I might well be wrong but I heard that in certain cases when light is travelling through a medium that slows it down, eg water, neutrinos are not so impeded and in these cases they can exceed the speed of light ‘in that medium’. Is this wrong?
March 27th, 2012 @ 10:24 am
Dear Alex,
Into the mailbag you go!
Sincerely,
Mr. Cosmology
March 28th, 2012 @ 8:48 am
Dear Mr. Cosmology —
I’m really upset about a vicious rumor that I heard. Someone told me that Mr. Cosmology’s mailbag is really a big black hole and that questions go into it and never again cross the event horizon! Please, Mr. Cosmology, say it ain’t so.
March 28th, 2012 @ 10:41 am
Dear Skeptico,
You’ll just have to wait until the next edition of “Ask Mr. Cosmology” to see if your little stab at reverse psychology worked!
Sincerely,
Mr. Cosmology